Preparations Are Under Way
I've just about taken all I can take. I'm making preparations for my final departure. My husband has confirmed my suspicion that I was, am, and always will be second to his family. In his view, blood family is primary; marriage is just a hobby to keep on the side. If the marriage fails, it's no big deal so long as Mommy is there to tuck him in at night.
I've never told my husband to ignore his family or to "run away" from his family or to not involve himself with his family. All I asked was that he would be my partner.
When I had a brush with cancer, I had to literally beg him to come with me for my biopsy and later for my treatment. But, to give credit where credit is due, he at least went. However, later on, when I had to go for an MRI to rule out the possibility of a brain tumor, I had to go all alone. Why? First, because my husband couldn't be bothered to ask for the morning off from work. Then, when his mother asked him to take that SAME day off because she was bored and wanted to have tea with him that day, he took the day off at the last minute to be with her while I went to the MRI all by myself.
Stupid me. I was too embarrassed to ask a friend or my parents to come with me. I felt so ashamed that my husband didn't want to comfort me and I didn't want them to know. There I was protecting him when the only one who should have been embarrassed and ashamed was HIM!
I'm so glad we never had children together. This way our break will be very clean and I will never have to deal with him or his family again.
Actually, how could we have had children? By definition that would mean he would be establishing his "own" family. He couldn't betray his Mommy like that, now could he? He used to say that he simply didn't want children because he wanted to pursue his career and didn't want the added responsibility of children, and I was fine with that myself, but when I see him with his sister's children, I find it hard to believe that he doesn't regret not having children of his own. I think he lied about the real reason for not wanting children. I think he feels "married" to his mother, and starting his own "separate" family would be the ultimate betrayal. Is that incestual or what? But it's the only explanation that makes sense . . .
posted by vengeance-in-law at 2:25 PM
3 Comments:
the problem isnt the in laws... its your husband.. he needs to cut the apron strings.. hes either a mommas boy or more likely just a plain asshole.. i wish you well
I agree with you. Ultimately it's my husband's responsibility to focus on his wife and his marriage. His problem is that he thinks his mother is a saint and he believes she has his best interest at heart. She doesn't.
She wants me out of the picture, so when he goes to her for advice on how he can make his marriage better, he thinks he's getting sound advice, but the things she's telling him (how to treat me, how to act, how to be a good husband) is all inappropriate. No amount of discussion or counseling can convince him otherwise. "Mother knows best," according to him. And he's right. She knows what's best FOR HER!
No I disagree with other comments. My husband is identical to yours, only thing is I had a kid, who not only my husband but his entire family does not even acknowledge. It pisses me off so much. Husband's mom (I refuse to say my mother in law) totally controls hima and although sometimes I think it is his fault, not his moms, i understood it was his mom. How? well here is how, she said she would commit suicide if he puts me or his son before her and she threw 2 plates to the wall in my home! I just wish she was dead
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