Unwelcome Guests

My in-laws are supposedly educated, cultured, and well-travelled people. If this is the case, though, why do they act like animals? And I hate to even make that comparison, because it's an insult to animals. I would rather have a half-wild zoo animal in my home than my in-laws.

We invited my in-laws over for dinner recently. It had been a while, since it is always so difficult to entertain them. Their expectations are so high that the most experienced of chefs could not satisfy their palettes. And no matter how hard I try or how much work I put in to a meal, they have no problem telling me that my efforts were for waste. It wouldn't bother me so much if they simply wanted to make a suggestion for improvement. Or if they simply said, "This is fine. I prefer a little less salt, but I appreciate the work you did." But no. Before they even take a bite they begin saying, "Basil? We use oregano. This is going to be awful. Do you have any oregano we could put on this?" And then when they take a bite, it's "This is terrible. Are you sure you cooked it right? Put it back in the oven. I'll take over and fix it for you." Then--and this is the part that really gets me angry--before they leave they will say, "When are you going to invite us again? You don't invite us over enough. You make us feel like you don't want us to come over." Well . . . duh! I don't want them to come over. If I never saw them again, it would be too soon!

The insults aren't the worst of it, though. It's that while they are visiting, they have to get in to everything. They like to go through my cupboards and refrigerator to see what I have and which brands I am using. While they are judging me for not being organic enough or low-fat enough or not having enough vegetables or the right vegetables, they are moving everything around and messing up my organization. And before you think I am just being anal, I'm not talking about alphabetizing my canned goods. I mean that they tip over my salad dressings and leave them sideways to leak all over the place or they move the beverages that I keep on the door of the fridge to the middle of the fridge were they end up squishing other things like my fresh tomatoes or cake or whatever other delicate item may be nearby.

Then they use my bathrooms and splash water all over the counters, the mirror, and the floor. The children aren't even as bad as the adults are! The children (well . . . the older one anyway) at least hang up the towels when they are done, but the adults either drop them on the floor or, at best, leave them bunched up on the rack so if anyone else needs to use the bathroom after them they have soggy towels and a complete mess to contend with. As long as the bathroom is nice for them, it's okay. They don't give a thought to anybody else around them.

They leave the living room a complete mess. We eat our dinner at the table, but they let their children (a baby and a toddler!) bring their food anywhere they want, so there are crumbs and bits of food and sticky spots everywhere. I put my foot down and tell them that the kids cannot run freely through the house while they are eating, and the in-laws say they will abide by that rule, but then when my back is turned, they give the children food and tell them to run off and play. I should expect this behavior from liars, so I don't know why I'm shocked by my dishonest in-laws. I suppose I'm just frustrated. I wish my husband would help me maintain our boundaries, but he can't. There is too much emotional incest in his family. He's not "allowed" to stand up for himself, and therefore he can't stand up for me. His family will always bully us and treat us like second class citizens.

I wonder why I don't invite them over more often? They are just such pleasant company after all . . . (I hope you catch the sarcasm!)