My Sister-in-Law's Mouth

Every time my sister-in-law opens her mouth, something stupid comes out of it. I could ALMOST tolerate her if she would just go mute. You would never guess in a million years that she is college educated and has a good career. But that’s all she’s good for. She has book smarts—only in her profession, however—and absolutely no common sense.

Because my husband and I weren’t going to be around for Thanksgiving, we agreed that we would have a nice dinner with his family after we returned from our holiday. When we were settling on a date to get together, I explicitly said that it couldn’t be this weekend. I had a meeting and a lot of baking to do for other engagements that I am involved in and would have no time for visiting let alone do additional cooking for a fancy dinner.

So, what do my ignorant in-laws do? They invite themselves over this weekend. What does my spineless husband say? Nothing, other than to say, “Come on over!”

To my husband’s credit, he does tell them that they will have to eat out at a restaurant because—once again—he reminds them that I do not have any food to offer them nor time to visit with them in my home (especially since they don’t supervise their kids and they love to play with the oven regardless of how hot it is and other dangerous things around the house and I was not about to be the “parent” to these unruly kids—but, unfortunately, he didn’t say that part).

So, they show up. My sister-in-law and mother-in-law push their way into the house. They each try to be the first one through the door, because not only are they rude with me, but they are also rude among themselves because they really are THAT ignorant. So, after the Larry, Mo, and Curly act, my sister-in-law begins taking off the jackets and shoes of her kids. The adults take off their shoes and jackets too.

My mother-in-law is laughing like an idiot. Don’t ask me why. Whenever I see her, whether it’s at my home or hers, she doesn’t talk or say, “How are you?” She just laughs at you. I used to play along with her, but now I just stare blankly at her with a quizzical look that is a truer reflection of my thoughts. Anyway, I used to think it was a nervous laugh on her part because, one time, she broke a glass and started laughing. She didn’t even apologize. She just said, “That’s okay,” as if it was for her to determine what is okay and what isn’t in my home—but that’s a different story. The fact is, all she does is laugh, and it makes me wonder if she needs to be evaluated by some sort of specialist and put in a “home.”

Anyway . . . dumb thing number one from the sister-in-law:

She just finished pulling off the last shoe from her second child, then she says, “I didn’t know we were going to take off our jackets. I thought we were just going to pick up [my husband] and leave for the restaurant.” And she’s got this surprised look on her face and tone in her voice as if she has no idea how everyone’s jackets disappeared and how the kids lost their shoes.

She’s the stupid moron who decided to strip everybody down. I never told any of them to take their coats off. In fact, my husband was just grabbing his stuff to leave while they were doing all of this.

Then, since my husband now had more time because the sister-in-law had to immediately start dressing the kids again, she started asking me about what she should get my husband for Christmas while he ran to the bedroom for his wallet.

And this brings us to dumb thing number two:

My brother-in-law had a good idea to get the perfect Christmas gift for my husband that had to do with one of his special interests. My sister-in-law’s dumb idea, on the other hand, was to get him a child’s toy—specifically one that she wanted to get for her own children—so that my husband would have it around our home for when she brought the kids over to visit. This isn't speculation on my part. She ACTUALLY said this!

What I should have told her was, “What, in God’s name kind of present is that? You’re going to give your grown-up brother your own child’s toy so that you don’t have to spend any extra money on anybody but yourselves? Don’t bother getting him anything if you’re going to do that!” Of course, I was so taken aback (and I wish I could tell you the item, but if they ever came across this blog they would know for sure it was about them because there is NOBODY in this whole wide world who would have EVER thought of buying this item for anybody over eight years old—except maybe—a BIG maybe—as a gag gift). So, I simply say, “I like brother-in-law’s idea better.”

That stupid woman was shocked. She really thought I would take her side over her husband’s. She was so surprised that I thought my husband would enjoy a gift related to his hobby more so than a gift related to raising her children.

Her oldest child is now celebrating his fourth Christmas, and in all our years of exchanging gifts among us adults, the only gifts for the children under their tree were ones that we brought or friends of their family left for them. The parents NEVER left surprises from Santa. And they told us they would prefer if we labeled our packages as “From Santa” rather than “From Aunt and Uncle.” I refused this request outright. There is no reason on Earth that those kids can’t grow up knowing that we love them enough and think of them enough that we are delighted to treat them to surprises at holiday time.

Yes, I believe there should be “Santa” surprises. But why is it our job to supply that? Oh, stupid me . . . It’s so that the kids don’t ask why Mommy and Daddy never give them presents when all the other relatives do. Well, they’re the ones who don’t want to buy Christmas gifts for their kids, so that’s THEIR problem. (Oh, and they are not tight for money, or I would gladly play along. They have a half-million dollar home, six-figure salary, and all that sort of thing. This is just one more example of their manipulative crap.)

Stupid thing number three:

The sister-in-law decides, before leaving for the restaurant, that she will wash the children’s hands so they will be clean for eating. Now, like I mentioned earlier, she herself said that she had only planned on meeting my husband at the door and not coming in. (Which begs the question, why did all FIVE of them get out of the car?) That being the case, wouldn’t she have washed the children’s hands before leaving her house? Hmmm . . . So, she DID plan on coming in the house and getting comfortable in spite of the fact that we clearly told them they were not welcome to come this weekend. Is she a manipulative liar or what? And even if she DID wash their hands before leaving her house. It’s a twenty minute ride to our home. How dirty can they get in the car in twenty minutes? Also, it’s twenty minutes to the restaurant they were going to, so if in fact they are able to get dirty on a twenty minute drive, there would really be no need to wash their hands at our home anyway, because they would still be in need of washing on arrival to the restaurant anyway.

See my point? She’s a stupid woman. And I use the word "woman" loosely. She’s an immature girl is what she is. She lies. She manipulates. She can’t keep her stories straight. She can’t manage her children. She has no common sense. She worries about the speck of dirt they might have on their hands from the car, but then she serves food out of dirty dishes that she allowed the kids to play with on her dirty floors. Again, that's another story for another time.

I really hate people like her. It’s bad enough that she’s stupid. But the fact that she not only enjoys her ignorance, but seems to strive to be as idiotic as possible really pisses me off. It’s like she and her mother are having a moron competition to see who can be stupider. Usually I would say it’s a tie. But since this time all my mother-in-law did was laugh like a drunken hyena, my sister-in-law wins. Idiot!